Can I cry now??

So Dustin and I have taken our share of classes lately. Dustin took a new dad's class, we took a new parent class, a breast feeding class, a childbirth class, and I took a first aid/cpr class. With each passing moment and every new nugget of information I am more and more nervous. Seriously, childbirth is scary and gross...and so is having a baby at home to clean and feed and take care of. And every day brings us closer to delivery day - which literally could happen ANY day. My official due date is a couple weeks away but "due dates" seem to be irrelevant.

So how am I spending my final days? How am I feeling? Do we have a name? etc etc etc???

We have a list of names - but nothing set in stone - and I'm really not leaning towards any of them - and the final decision is Dustin's.

Sleeping gets harder every night - I'm uncomfortable, it hurts, I have to pee every hour (basically) and heartburn is KILLING ME. During the days I've been fairly (ok, a lot) lazy...until lately...they call it nesting? I call is panic attack....

My puppy got hurt yesterday. Makes you feel like a bad parent when your dog gets hurt - even though I didn't do anything wrong and Moose didn't ever seem to be in pain. The story - Dustin and I took him to the dog beach area at Hickam. Moose loves to explore out there as well as take dips in the ocean to cool off. Well, I was drying him off in the car and all the hair around one of his ears was bloody. When we got home Dustin cleaned him up and found the scratches and cleaned and disinfected...it was just enough that he thought we should take him to the vet to get some antibiotics just to be safe. What did the vet find? FLEAS!! I have NEVER been in more shock. How does my sweet (and clean) Moose Moose have fleas? I have also never felt dirtier and like a worse parent.

I am a soon to be new mom who is days away from having a baby with a dog that has fleas. So how do I feel? Like things couldn't be worse - like I should not be having a baby - like I should not have a dog in my care - like it's all my fault...so what do I do? I have spent the day cleaning everything possible. I tore apart my bed and my couches and cleaned, vacuumed, sanitized, and scrubbed everything - I may go into labor from this much physical activity!! Anyways, the dryer just buzzed, time to take that load out and put my bed back together...

The reason I want to shave my head and burn down my house